Facing Myself

Have you ever heard "God can't bless confusion?" I am almost certain I have. Anyway, that's the idea ringing loudly in my mind right now. Because, if you've been following my blog posts then you know I recently withdrew myself from the world of timeshare sales. And then something happened. They called me 5 times in one day, leaving three voicemail messages and a text and when I responded they persuaded me to come back with cheap flattery. 

I fell for it. Like an attention-starved child. The potential money to be earned is bananas! It's outstanding - it's encouraging and I haven't seen anything else like it. But, that's probably because I have never been in sales before. 

But, back to the confusion. I have been back and forth for days in my mind about whether I would like to continue on my working-for-self journey or if I would like to tuck my tail and continue to work full-time at a timeshare resort and try to fit my enterprising into my leftover hours. Needless to say, I am really sleepy right now. Yet, the thing that I am eager to do is mind map, write, read, secure a part-time position, learn more about online businesses, connect with a powerful mastermind, work on manuscripts and complete money-generating tasks.

I would rather work part-time to support myself financially and continue on with the grind. I might as well do that now while I am young and courageous, without children or a husband. I might as well go for it and do the difficult things now. But, I have some fear and I am not exactly sure why. Everything inside of me tells me that this timeshare thing is a waste of time, for me...but the bills are looming and I am low on cash. And, even those sound like dumb excuses when I have outstanding writing assignments that I could be completing and getting paid for. I have opportunities knocking at my door. Not to mention, sisters who hand me cash just because it's Friday, on a consistent basis.

But, the money! Yeah...but I am not receiving it in that particular job because it is more a burden to be there than anything else. I feel drained, weakened and out-of-place and that causes me to be incapable of performing. 

On the one hand, going back to the resort is within my comfort zone -  because I know what to expect and continuing to work for myself is outside of my comfort zone because I don't know what to expect. And, let's just face it - that shit is scary - like eerily scary. And, that's part of the thrill for me. Who else has the cajones to do this that I know? Well, all the folks who come to mind are entrepreneurs and they are killing it out there making their dreams come true. 

So, what will I do? Any decision is better than no decision, right? Right! That's what I believe. So, what decision will I make and what will my intention be? I think I will keep that to myself for now and work some things out on my end and update you all later. 



Dear Lord, Let Me Be "Ultra Femme!"

Jealousy Is Absurd