I promised myself never to become a male-basher. Because, honestly, who has time? Plus, I love Menfolk like grass loves the rain. But, I DON'T love how bent out of shape some of the Womenfolk get about what these males are or are not doing. We need a new standard, some new rules and a new approach to love and relating.
So many of us act like we have no reason for being unless there's some man checking for us. We act like our purpose and our Spirit is not enough to sustain us as we grow, live alone, travel and discover our passions. And, this is coming from a woman whose highest ideal and goal in life from age 17 to 27 was to marry the perfect man and be his help-mate.
Now? Bitch, PUH-LEASE!
It took a solid decade but God blessed me with a monster of a husband and he cured my loneliness and reoriented me to my passion, purpose and life's mission. He made me trust my intuition more than any other single occurrence in my life, before him. He made me crave MYSELF. God bless him.
The way I see it: the bottom line is that before we begin relating and sharing our hearts and our bodies, our homes and our resources (energy, force, majik, schedule, time, money, good home cookin', our plans, our wisdom, our smarts and our awesome head game etc) with whomever's next to walk through the door of your favorite bar...let's really get serious and consider some things, please.
1. Just because he wants you does not even REMOTELY mean he's a real option. In other words, just because he asks for your time doesn't mean he's worth your time. From the very beginning it is vital to understand who this man is and what he wants. Even if you grew up with the guy, it is still important to know where his head and hands are at. Does he deserve your devotion or focus simply because he's in your face? Hell nah. WHO IS HE? WHAT'S HIS PURPOSE? These are vital points to consider before you go giving all your divine feminine deliciousness away to this potential freeloader. And, I say this in the highest possible light and love.
2. Just because you get all hot and bothered over the size of his...wallet/muscles/truck/whatevs, doesn't mean you need to completely lose your cool and start auctioning off the pussy in an effort to ensure he keeps coming around. A man you have to BEG to be present is a danger to your self-esteem/bliss/concentration/heart. Sure, maybe he has some emotional issues or he's working 14 jobs or have 47 children (I actually know a man who has 47 children). If those signals aren't CLEAR enough, then I will say it plainly for you. HE IS NOT WORTH YOUR BLEEPING TIME. He doesn't have time for you anyway. Give it up. Unless you tryna jump into rotation and help change a diaper or something. 'Cause like, maybe, you have nothing better to do and catering to some man who has mismanaged his entire life is why you came to the planet. Brava!
3. Maybe you think I'm being super inconsiderate of your emotions or your mission to save all the men on the planet (from themselves). Well, you might be right. But, in my defense, I don't want to see you pickaxing away at your heart for no good reason. Life gives enough struggle and trial on its own to strengthen us and build up our persistence muscles. Persisiting in calling, texting, emailing, snapchatting, DM-ing, facebook-ing or just happening to be parked in front of this guy's house when he comes out in the morning after not answering ANY of your phone calls...Well, that, my dear, is called STALKING and it's a bad look. You're going to walk away from a situation where a man has made it EXCEEDINGLY clear that you are NOT a priority, mental consideration or ideal for him with nothing but some wasted time and some hurt feelings. If he doesn't answer the phone, return a text, come when he says he will or generally has no time/energy/plans/words/feelings/love for you...what exactly are you continuing to wait around for? So, the third consideration I'd like you to have is consideration for your own emotional and psychological well being. Playing with your heart like this could land somebody in jail. So, cut it.
4. If he already has a girl, and he's in your face. He's a phony. He's a fake. He's the type of fool you can't date. He lies. He cheats. He hollers at any girl he meets! (See what I did there?) Yeah. Tell him keep walking. And, don't even give me that "We're just friends," bullshit. I've been that girl. And, honey, you don't wanna be that girl, trust me!
5. What reason do you have to believe anything that he says? Does he just give you pretty WORDS, WORDS, WORDS with no ACTION, ACTION, ACTION to back that shit up? Because if it's just some words you want in your life...I got some GREAT book recommendations for you, boo. Choose to fall back until you have a REASON (like he's done something meaningful and preferably on a consistent basis) to give you a reason to trust him.
6. We're not little girls anymore where it's cute to be naive and super trusting and openly giving all your sweet, precious energy to any and everybody. Shit, was that ever safe--in this world? Consider approaching your relationships like your MIND is involved in the process, like it doesn't cause you acute physical pain to think ahead and consider the effects that this male might have on you and on your life. This doesn't mean interrogating the dude. If you do that, he will feel like he's in an interview or in front of the police and he will do what lots of people do in interviews and interrogations - LIE or attempt to put his best face forward. Instead ASK YOURSELF some questions. What are his habits? What are his strengths? How does he treat women? What is his diet like? What is his routine? Is he healthy? Is he diligent? Shit like that. It's a good move for you, because you know what - if you can answer these questions then you have a pretty CLEAR idea of what behaviors he will influence in you. If you can't answer these questions, then you don't know him well enough yet. You haven't observed him enough or let him speak enough. In which case, you would NOT be sharing your body, heart, mind and good good loving with him. Would you?
Chew on those ideas. I have more.