Hi. My name is Ayo and I am a serial monogamist. I have been dating for most of my adult life and have honestly not even enjoyed (or entertained) the thought of being single.
In fact, when I have been single for more than a couple months I go into a frenzy. And, then I go on the hunt. Because being single is like...
However, now that I'm older and have been through a series of the worst relationships ever, ever, I have come to respect singleness enough to look forward to it and to enjoy it for the first time in my adult life. Yay me!
Like for instance, do you know how much work you can get done when you're single?
(That's a busy beaver in case that was lost on you).
Anyway, I have been knocking out tasks left and right since being single. In relationships, I find a lot of extra time is eaten up by conversations (read: arguments), coordinating, hurting and/or texting emojis. Maybe that's just me. But, when I was married it was the worst. I was constantly cleaning, cooking, and laundering the same pair of my stepson's khaki pants. It drove me bananas. My husband urged me to get a part-time job toward the end of our relationship but being a step-mommy to three small children and a wife to a Muslim husband was a full-time job...or rather, three full-time jobs, if I'm being honest.
Now, there's just me. I listen to what I want, wear what I want (which is surprisingly still relatively modest, considering I am a wild woman at heart), eat what I want (except pork and peanuts), and go where I want to go. I have endless time to work on the projects I deem worthy of my time and energy and constant opportunities to improve myself and my life through my own efforts. I earn and use 100% of my own money and have attained a new level of self-sufficiency.
Man! I feel like a [grown] woman!
I like myself, I am more self-aware and I get to set my personal standards and live by them. This wasn't always easy for me when I was in relationships. In fact, it was almost nonexistent. I was always striving to support, submit and accommodate. Those are excellent traits for a partner to have (whether male or female) but if they require that you dishonor your authentic feelings and values, it's bound to flop.
And so, in order to be single (and not just be single but enjoy being single) one must be open to the value that singleness can add. It provides a revitalizing openness that allows you to know yourself more and deeper. In order for "knowing yourself" to be a pleasurable experience, you must not be trying to escape yourself because...
Best to get used to you. And not just that, you have a long journey ahead, so best to fall in love with you really. You have plenty of time and space to explore you and to gain an understanding of your truth when you are single. When you appreciate and use this valuable time intelligently and wisely you will find that you are really quite swell. If you have an intense disliking for yourself, all the more reason to spend some time sorting things out.
Another tip for how to be single and one I really love is this: It prepares you for your ideal partnership.
Does it seem like I am using the incentive of a romantic partnership as a reason to abstain from a romantic relationship? Because I am. Here's why - because before we undertake an important feat, one that can alter our futures and determine the quality of our lives, it is important and necessary to prepare. We prepare to give our best in not only our romantic partnership but every relationship by being our best.
Why not take a break from all interpersonal relationships and just hike up a mountain and become a recluse, you may ask next. Well, because those other relationships help you prepare for that romantic partnership, too. You can safely develop and practice skills like compassion, forgiveness, communication, consideration and balance in all your other relationships. You don't need to opt out of those unless they are toxic because they are necessary for you to be a well-rounded human being. The reason we take a break from the romantic relationship and any dependency is that that romantic one is huge...it is unlike any other relationship you will ever have in your life even those relationships with friends, parents, siblings and children. You share a level of intimacy with your partner that most none other ever experience.
If you can't experience and face that intimacy with the Self, how are you ever going to share that with someone else?
Face yourself, be with yourself, develop yourself and enjoy yourself so that some other worthy, lucky and blessed human can face, love, be with, grow & build with and enjoy you as well.
So, that's how...and why to be single.
A Y O D E L E