As I grow, I am growing out of the utter need to be in the presence of other humans at all times. I am growing out of the need for distraction and sleep and habits that numb me. I am so happy for this newly evolving freedom. I mean, God is good, so the freedom has always been present, but now I get to consciously choose that freedom instead of perpetuating my own suffering.
During the day, while I am working, I often get glimpses of ideas about other activities I would rather be doing. I think of all the things that would make me happy to be doing instead of what I am doing. One could argue that there is a lack of present-moment-gratitude with a mindset like that. But, here's another perspective; the one I am choosing for myself. When I get the extra time to do those things that I would like to do - am I doing them? Are you?
Just think, last year this time I was in a hideous situation - married and cleaning, all the time behind a band of very messy and ungrateful human beings. Now, I only care for myself and my cats. How fun! What a blessing. Now, I have my own money and a car that is actually operable. I have more time to read. I clean when I want. On my off days, I go to sleep when I want and wake up when I want to do what I want. I have time and energy to devote to my business of coaching other up-and-rising women. I can spend as much time with my sisters as I want. And, best of all (perhaps) I have not cooked one meal or washed one sink of dishes since July. I'm winning.
I am free to do what I want and I am free to love myself. When people are being offensive, rude and distasteful I simply remove myself from them because I have learned that anyone who has won time with me is BLESSED. If they do not understand this fact, then I am already on my way out the door. That is how I remedy the situation of annoying and ungrateful human beings.
As for aloneness, I am learning to appreciate it more and more. I am learning to incentivize myself with my favorite things - like reading, watching reruns of my favorite shows, listening to ASMR audios, listening to weird trippy music to soothe my brain and visualizing the next phase of my life.
And what an amazing Life it is!